BROKEN body

Guilty. I’ve spent most of my adult life working more than one job. In some cases, it was because I needed the extra income to support my family. And then there is the other part of the story where I secretly harbor this need to always do more. I’m a helper, a doer, and a save-the-world type that is never satisfied with the outcome. Always more to do, more to work on, and more people to help. Not a bad reputation to have, but certainly an exhausting one, and one that has finally taken its toll on my health.

I’ve seen more doctors in the past year than I care to admit. I’ve had a few trips to the ER resulting in hospital stays, new diagnosis’, people at the lab where I have my blood drawn who know me on a first name basis, and more often than not, pure exhaustion. Poked, stabbed, tested and lots of procedures later have not brought much closure, but only nagging reminders that I need to figure out a way to slow down. Not easy for a woman who has two separate careers, working on a licensure, taking classes, five children, a husband and a dog. Oh, and a social life – wait, never mind, there is no social life. And sleep? Try sleeping with a C-Pap, I hear it’s the bomb-diggity for sleep apnea, but for me it’s nothing more than feeling like I’m trapped and doing my best not to hyperventilate – I got more sleep before the machine, but I have to weigh that against the “not breathing” thing, so… 

Why is it that some of us feel the need to prove to the world that we are highly successful? What am I proving, and to whom? Sure, there have been some accolades and congrats along the way, but in all honesty that quickly turns into a simple red check next to an item on the To-Do list. And the harsh reality is that the To-Do list keeps on growing and never ends. Never.

Reflecting on this past year, my broken body has reminded me that it’s no longer an option to slow down. Something has to change. Not a choice. If I haven’t demonstrated to enough people that I do a pretty good job in my careers and raising a family, then so be it. I owe it to my family and myself to make changes and stick around for a while, preferably without the onset of any further ailments. How do I, and others like me, make those changes?

1.     Learn to say No. We’ve all heard the expression, “Just Say No”. It’s plain and simple. Quit volunteering for everything under the sun, and allow others to contribute and help. You are one person and CAN NOT do it all by yourself.

2.     Get plenty of rest. I recently saw a phrase that we should all hold onto. Rest isn’t a reward, it’s a priority. That struck home for me. Why do we feel that after a long day, we should “reward” ourselves with rest? Flip it around! How about making rest a priority and the work follows…

3.     Cut the To-Do list in half. Do you really need pages upon pages of things to-do? Probably not. Keep it simple and prioritize only those things that absolutely must get done.

4.     Take time for yourself. Do something for yourself every day. Take a walk in the park after a long day and just BE in nature. Find shells on the beach. Enjoy a cup of coffee on the front porch. Go to a movie by yourself. Take a bubble bath. Do something for YOU.

5.     Stay active. Don’t allow the busyness of work lead to a sedentary lifestyle. Set a timer so you can get up from that computer chair every 15 minutes, spend time outdoors with your kids or friends, go to the gym, ride a bike, or take the stairs at work instead of the elevator.

We are given one chance at life on this earth. Our body is the vessel we were given to live this life so it’s important that we nourish and take care of it. Time to make changes.

“These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them”  …Rumi

Life is Beautiful

I have a sign on my home office bookshelf that is strategically placed at eye-level. So when I am working away at the computer, all it takes is one glance to my left and I am reminded that, “Life is Beautiful”. My beautiful daughter gifted it to me. She has a heart of gold and picks out the most amazing and meaningful treasures.

This black and white gift has been a great message and reminder to me that while there are a lot of frustrating and tragic events going on around us, there are equally as many positive things. If we would all just look for the beautiful in life, I think we’d be a lot better off personally, professionally and emotionally. Think about it:

·      Even when things are not going as planned, the final result is meant to be …  Life is Beautiful

·      You have food on the table … Life is Beautiful

·      Your workload is overwhelming, but there's light at the end of the tunnel - Life is Beautiful       

·      Your faith grows stronger every day … Life is Beautiful

·      When you fail, it’s a lesson learned and a foundation to build upon ... Life is Beautiful

·      You are proud of your kids  … Life is Beautiful

·      You have deadlines and worry about meeting them, but they get done ... Life is Beautiful

·      Your spouse finally gets to enjoy his weekends after years of working them … Life is Beautiful

·      You win some, you lose some … Life is Beautiful

·      You have friends who show their support for your new business success … Life is Beautiful

Shift your mindset if needed and look for the beauty in life. It may not seem or appear beautiful to you in the moment, but if we try and find the beauty in life, I think we would all be better for it.

Birth of The Brimming Cup

And just like that, I am a business owner. Full-fledged business owner with articles of organization, LLC status, a business license, and all the other stuff that goes along with owning a business. After years of thinking how to take all my ideas and wrap them into one big package, this was it. I made up my mind and took the plunge!

I recently picked up a book, More Than a Bucket List, by Toni Birdson. These kinds of titles have some kind of appeal to me now that I’m over 50, haha. I figured I might put together my own bucket list and hopefully start crossing some things off. Turns out this book was more than just list-making ideas of things to do and places to go. Like the title suggests, it was much more than that. The book challenges the reader to create a list that not only allows for DOING things, but it also challenges us to make our list from a spiritual viewpoint. The opening page offers encouragement…. “discover hundreds of ideas to jump-start your heart. Be inspired. Be intentional. And be contagious in your quest to live a life that is more than a bucket list”.  For me, 175 “more than a bucket list” ideas later, and The Brimming Cup became a reality. Here are a few ideas you might find interesting:

·      Don’t wonder any longer

·      Run your race

·      Focus on the promises, not the problem

·      Zip it and listen

·      Live. Greater.

·      Start a blog

·      Plant something to celebrate

·      Admit that you blew it

·      Live faithfully

·      Be a hero

I try really hard to look at life from a positive, glass half-full standpoint. As an instructor, I teach my classes that way and I try to embed that philosophy into all areas of my life. We all have good days and bad days, but for the most part I think I’m pretty consistent with finding the good in most situations and in most people. I’ve been in the helping professions all my adult life and while I love teaching at the university level (and have no plans to stop), I’ve had that nagging of a missing piece. And when I finally figured out what that piece was, I knew I had to pursue it – ignored the critics – and went for it!

So, in one year, I added registered mental health counselor intern to my credentials, started a private psychotherapy practice (The Brimming Cup) and am working on my full licensure. Do you know how many students, family members, career professionals, children and adults are struggling with depression, anxiety, addiction and other mental health-related issues? A LOT!! In fact, 1 in 5 adults will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime (www.nami.org). It’s pretty reasonable to say that everyone is impacted by mental illness, whether it’s yourself, a family member, someone you work with, or a neighbor.  I personally feel it’s my ethical responsibility as a professional educator to address all issues related to student learning. We tend to focus on academics, disability, poverty, parental support, curriculum, etc.… but rarely do I find people talking about mental health issues and the impact. Trust me. We need to have these conversations and take action.

Opening a small business to enhance my career as a special education instructor at a university was the right thing for me to do. I’m excited about the journey and looking forward to changing lives. What about you? What’s on your bucket list?

It's the weekend. Time to PLAY!

It’s playtime! It’s Friday, the weekend is here, and spring is in the air. What are your plans for the weekend? One of the neat things about Facebook and other social media platforms is that we get to see all the fun things our friends do, from beach trips, to bar hopping, to gathering with extended family, girl or guys night out, and this list goes on. But some of us (me included) REALLY struggle in the time for fun category. If you are like me, I have to pry myself away from what I consider priorities to relax and enjoy my family. And if you are an introvert (like I am), then doing things with others may be a rare occasion. There’s a great book out there by Susan Cain called Quiet. If you or a family member is introverted, I highly recommend you read it or watch her Ted Talk. Very insightful!

Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, has some great insights into expanding your leisure time. Here are a few ideas that she and some of her readers have suggested to put the work down and have more time for play:

1.     Take the time to be silly. She suggests that we infect each other with good cheer to bring out the happiness.

2.     Go off the path. Have new experiences to help you discover what’s out there. Do you even know what your interests are? Or what other interests you might have? Gretchen Rubin talks about keeping an Interest Log to capture ideas that catch your attention when you are out and about. Or try looking up events that are happening in your city and actually GO to them!

3.     Start a collection. I had a number of collections as a child. As I write this I’m wondering why in the world I gave them up? I still have my coin collection but haven’t looked at them in years. Perhaps it’s time to get them out! I also had a post card collection, a small box collection, doll collection, and probably more that I don't remember.

4.     Create a happiness box. What makes you happy? Be creative. Think of things to put in your box that you can periodically pull out as a reminder to spend more time having fun.

5.     Do something fun outside. There are so many outdoor games and activities that can be fun for a group of people or your family. For Christmas, I got my family a set of golf disks because I had seen people playing on a disk course at the nearby park where I walk. The few times we’ve gone to play have been a lot of fun.

The weekend is here, so get out and enjoy it. Make sure you carve some time out for friends and fun. The work can wait….

The pursuit of KNOWLEDGE

Does anyone else feel the need to find ways to expand your knowledge? I think I am a forever student. After all, knowledge is power!  After I finished my doctorate in Educational Leadership about eight years ago, I naively thought that I was DONE with school. It took me eight years to finish my degree that should have taken me five. I remember my orientation to the doc program where a group of faculty recommend not having any major life changes while in the program because those stressors might become reasons for not finishing. Well, l did exactly what they told me NOT to do…. got divorced, changed careers from being a public school teacher to an Executive Director of a non-profit, single mom for awhile raising three children under the age of 8, remarried, had a baby at the age of 42, moved, and changed careers again, moving into higher education. Stressful, yes. But I was determined. And I had a few really cool professors and understanding peers who let me bring my three kids to class.

I enjoy the pursuit of knowledge, which is why I was pulled to higher education. I love my job because I get to prepare teachers to work in special education. I get to work with like-minded people in advocating for students and others with disabilities and I get to keep my toes wet in the public schools, where I teach most of my courses. It’s exciting, demanding and constantly changing all the time. Because I’m out in the field a lot, I see things and notice things that make me worry about our young children. The mental health crisis is alarming and it’s affecting not just adults but our kids too. While there are professionals to help, many either can’t afford the help or just don’t know where to find it. I’ve been bothered by this for a long time. Having a child who grew up in the public school system with mental health issues was eye opening for me.

My concerns and wonderings about the state of mental health in our country have led me to enhance my practice in the disability world. As a new registered mental health counselor intern, I’m on a mission to expand my credentials and contribute to the body of knowledge as it relates to mental health issues. I’m hoping to bring some of that knowledge into helping teachers, parents and others understand the enormous task we have ahead of us.

My point to this story is to encourage people to find ways to expand their knowledge and skills. You may not go the formal route like I am doing, but there are other ways to creatively grow your abilities. Life is short, so get out there and do it!

EMOTIONS in our everyday lives

Emotions are a special kind of indicator within that lets you know what’s happening and what you are experiencing. Strong feelings can come on quickly or they may come on slowly and then linger. It’s complicated and can sure start a chain of reactions that aren’t necessarily good for you. Many people deal with their emotions in ways that actually cause more suffering, such as using alcohol or drugs to deal with anxiety or depression. Emotions are important in our every day lives:

Survival

Emotions are like an internal alarm. They alert us when our needs are not being met. For example, when we feel disappointed, our need for satisfaction is not being met.

Decision Making

Emotions can help us make decisions. It’s our feelings in response to situations and things that help us make choices. 

Setting Boundaries

When we feel uncomfortable with someone’s behavior, our emotions alert us. They communicate to us that we need to let that person know we feel uncomfortable. This can help us set boundaries, which are important for both physical and mental health.

Communication

Our emotions help us communicate with others. Facial expressions can convey a lot of emotions. A look of distress may suggest to the other person that we need their help. Verbal communication allows us to express more of our emotional needs and likewise, if we are good listeners, we may be able to hear the emotions in others and respond accordingly.

Regulation skills may include recognizing emotions, reducing physical and cognitive vulnerability, increasing positive emotions, and mindfulness of emotions without judgment (Linehan, 1993). Regulating our emotions can be helpful for coping with distressed feelings in new and healthier ways, something we should all remember.

Get moving on your PHYSICAL health!

Your physical health is crucial to your overall health and wellness. Poor physical health will likely trickle into the other dimensions of wellness and cause problems in those areas as well. Physical health means different things for different people depending on your age, level of fitness and lifestyle. There are several areas we need to think about when we work on our physical wellness:

1.     Are you getting enough sleep at night? Even if you get into bed at a decent hour, how is the quality of your sleep? Do you wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble going back to sleep? Do you have trouble falling asleep? These are all things to make note of and try to address either through changing your own habits (like putting down that last cup of coffee before bedtime) or seeking help from a health professional.  

2.     Are you getting enough physical activity during the day? Find time before, during or after work to move your body. If you have a desk job, set a timer to remind yourself to stand up, stretch and walk around for a few minutes. Talk a brisk walk at lunchtime or run in the evening. Strength and flexibility are also important for your physical wellness, so plan that in a few times a week also. Start getting in these habits when you are young as it’s more difficult to start when your body has already started showing signs of aging!

3.     What are you eating during the day? I think we’ve all heard the importance of healthy, well-balanced meals for nutritional purposes. Yes, this is important. There are lots of diets and fads out there, so if you working on losing weight or eating healthy, do so under the guidance and care of a physician. Proper fluid intake is important also. Drink water – lots of it, and please put down the soda!

4.     Do you see a medical professional on a regular basis? This is important. Annual visits to the general practitioner, dentist, and dermatologist for skin care check ups, or any other specialist is very important for preventive care. Better to maintain regular visits than to wait until something is wrong and it’s been left untreated for too long.

Physical health in many cases is a lifestyle choice (not all, but many times are). Monitor your own health and take the necessary steps to make sure you are working to stay as healthy as possible. Many physicians or local gyms can do physical health and fitness assessments to give you a good idea of where to start. So get out there and get moving!

JOB satisfaction. Does it matter?

How satisfied are you with your current job? Personally, I can’t imagine staying with a company or organization that I honestly could not stand working for whatever the reason may be. I was in that situation once and thankfully when a friend told me to have faith and leave, well … I did. I'm definitely not recommending that people up and quit their jobs without another job to go to like I did, but if it’s affecting your personal and professional life, then it is worth some examination. For me, it was a step that opened up a huge door to finishing my doctorate and establishing a career in higher education. Sometimes when things go bad, they lead to something better.

As we wind ourselves down the path to job satisfaction, I think it’s important to feel as thought we are making a difference in our jobs. For example, teachers today are under a tremendous amount of stress and pressure. The national education agenda is all over the place and in my opinion teachers are taking the brunt of it. But the bottom line is that as teachers, we are helping kids learn. There may be times when it doesn’t seem that way, but we ARE making a difference in their lives in one way or another. When you finally get to see a child’s “a-ha” moment, it is then you realize the impact you’ve had on their education and future life.

Flexibility in a job is a gift and very much appreciated when it’s offered as a perk of the job. As an instructor at a university, I have found flexibility to be one of the best ways to increase my own engagement and productivity. I try to schedule one full day a week to work in my home office. There are far fewer distractions and no “I know you are busy, but….” conversations at the office. I catch up on grading, I save on gas, meetings can be done by conference call, and the list goes on. This is a gift of time and it brings a tremendous amount of satisfaction. If you don’t have this and are in a job where it could possibly be done, you might try approaching your supervisor to work something out. It’s worth every minute.

Keeping a work-life balance is critical. Many of us know that personal problems at home can impact work performance, but the opposite is true too. Difficulty at the office is likely to affect personal life. Detaching yourself from work when you are off the clock is critical. This is hard when you have a career with no set working hours. If that’s the case then schedule time for non-work life. Or if you are really bold, then turn that phone or computer off at a certain time each night. High job demands and keeping long work hours (more than necessary) can create emotional exhaustion and other psychosomatic complaints. Try detaching yourself from your work to ease the impact of job stressors on personal life.

So how will you begin to work on your job satisfaction?

In search of SPIRITUAL Wellness

What gives you purpose? Do you have a set of values and beliefs that lay the foundation for your own spiritual wellbeing? It’s important to ask ourselves if our values guide our decisions and actions. Sometimes in the rush of the days, weeks, months (and before we know it), years, we lose sight of making meaning and purpose in our existence. It is easy to do with all the distractors and material things around us that keep our precious time occupied. If we are not careful, we may just find ourselves in spiritual poverty and out of balance. I have been there, have you?

Spiritual wellness is deeply personal and just how we get there (or make improvements to this dimension if we are already there) varies from person to person. Don’t we all want a little harmony in our lives? It’s important for each of us to explore and assess our own spiritual wellness. So how DO we seek meaning and purpose in our existence? Here are a few ideas that might help us find happiness and a sense of fulfillment:

1.     Meditation. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how their journey into meditation has been positive and has offered them peace and balance. A friend recently led a group I am part of through meditation for 20 minutes. We had the benefit of the sound of the ocean around us. As one who’s mind is constantly thinking and overworking, I was surprised at how quickly and easily I was able to quiet my mind. I would invite you to find a way to explore the limits of your own mind. Find the right location and background noise. Perhaps the ocean, music, or even silence. 10-20 minutes, twice a day is ideal. Check out the book, The Way of Unknowing, by John Main for his thoughts on meditation.

2.     Being alone. What better way to declutter your mind and ponder the meaning of life. Take time for yourself every day. YOU are important so spend some meaningful time on yourself. A friend and I used to joke around about having a meeting with ourselves – call it whatever you want, but make sure you pencil in time for yourself every day.

3.     Yoga. Goodness, there are so many types of yoga out there (mindful yoga, bliss yoga, hot yoga).  While I have not personally made this a habit (yet), I have many friends who find it helps them in their quest for spiritual wellness. It’s a great way to care for the entire body.

4.     Reflection. During your alone time, you may wish to reflect through writing or just reflect on your thoughts. Whichever works for you, think intentionally about your own purpose and how you fit into the meaning of life.

5.     Religion. Prayer is an excellent way to work on your spiritual wellness. If you are part of organized religion, connect with your church family. I’ve learned a lot about prayer from many people at the church I attend. Finding comfort and understanding through teachings of faith is an excellent pathway to spiritual wellness.

6.     Surroundings. Where will you work on your spiritual wellness? There are so many possibilities! We have the world and nature at our fingertips. The ocean is a wonderful place and works for me. I am particularly fond of early mornings or when the sun is setting. Even a cup of coffee on the front porch to watch the sun rise may work for you.

7.     Positivity. Try to avoid the art of complaining, blame, making excuses or gossip. Think before you speak. Set the example for others and watch it rub off. Both you and they will feel better. Be kind to others and show compassion. Be open to all kinds of experiences, good and bad. Pain and sorrow are a part of life and both can offer us a positive growth experience.

I would encourage each of you to take the time to work on this dimension. It’s hard but when you make the effort to find a deeper level of peace and understanding, you just might open your mind to a multitude of possibilities.

Salubrious Saturday GUEST post by Annonymous

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world’s out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it’s not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.
Remember, a house becomes a home when you can write
“I love you” on the furniture…..